juuusssttt YES! AAAALLL the YES!
I’m in it to end it, to help shine a light on slavery.
Why Do I Care What People Think About Me?
I’ve gone through, at least what feels like, a lot in the past year. More so over the course of one semester at college on my own, away from home. It’s been a roller coaster of both good and bad; full of events I’d do again in a heart beat and activities I desperately wish I could go back in time and smack my idiot self across the face for doing.
It pains me to admit that this all began way back in high school. I’m not fully sure what all caused this chain of bad choices, but they happened nonetheless. As far as I know, it began as a uncomfortable conversation, at least for me, with some classmates before math class started one day during my Freshman year. The only thing I remember of that discussion was it being somewhat inappropriate. I was able to ignore the conversation long enough before the teacher walked in and class was about to start. I could finally focus on the class that was about to take place. it wasn’t until later that night when the first bad decision was made. It was that night I decided to look up some of what was talked about, even though I specifically knew it was an unbiblical thing. I’ve regretted that day ever since. Especially when the problem began in secret, behind the backs of friends and family, and has never been dealt with… until recently.
Fast forward about 4 years. I am now preparing to head off to college and my previous problem is still in existence. It has been an on and off occurrence and has only been personally, and ineffectively, dealt with in minuscule amounts. I went through first semester doing my best to not give in to the problem. I’m now officially on a journey to resolve this life problem because of my being in a relationship.
My first semester at college was a great one. I’ve gained so many new and close relationships that I wouldn’t exchange for anything. However, though I’ve had many great experiences with these people, there were some decisions I made that I wish I could go back and fix. Some decisions were made to get involved with creating vlogs and involved in one too many extra activities causing me to become less focused on studying for classes I darn knew I wasn’t doing so well in. By the end of the semester, the result of all this didn’t end well and I discovered this result towards the end of my Christmas Break. It was during this time that the wrongness of what all I was doing began to deeply bother me. I then put on my sweatshirt and curled up under the secluded confinement of my bed… in the corner of my room… and wept.
I felt as if this was the end of life as I desperately wanted it to be. I thought there was no hope, and most certainly no second chances, within my grasp and I was beginning to sense a small separation in my relationship with God. What happened next reversed my ever deepening hole of depressed thoughts. I not only found a song that aided in bandaging my mental and emotional wound, but I also remembered that I needed to "Keep Calm and Trust God" with my worries and woes. It was that moment when I knew I couldn’t fix my problems under my own strength; I needed God’s assistance even though I full out knew I wasn’t deserving of it.
Since that day, I’ve been given a undeserved second chance to change, quit my bad habit, and to right my wrongs that remain in the memories of my previous semester. Since THAT day, I’ve gained closer relationships with friends and found peace in the comfort of my friends’ open arms and I can’t thank them enough for it.
My boyfriend and I are curled up watching Doctor Who.
I love this kid.